Then there are the noble crusaders of objectivity! These brave souls venture forth into conversations with the bold declaration, “I’m just being unbiased,” or “Not that I’m taking slides.” And then, with the self-assured grace of a tightrope walker with vertigo, they proceed to drop statements that are, shall we say, less unbiased and more, well, trash.
Picture this: You’re in a heated debate about the best pizza toppings. It’s all fun and games until Mr. Unbiased Opinion chimes in with, “Well, if we’re being honest, pineapple on pizza is basically a culinary abomination. But hey, no offense, just being unbiased here.” Right, because declaring a beloved topping as an affront to food itself is the epitome of neutrality.
Then there’s the ever-popular political discourse, where the “unbiased” hero swoops in to save the day. “Look, I’m just calling it like it is: All politicians are corrupt, every policy is terrible, and the system is broken beyond repair. But, you know, I’m just trying to be objective.” Yes, because painting everything with the same broad brush of despair is exactly what we need to clear things up.
And who could forget those enlightening discussions about personal taste? “I’m not saying your favorite band is the worst thing to happen to music, but if we’re being objective, they kind of are. No bias, just facts.” Of course, because disparaging someone’s preferences is a surefire way to foster unbiased, harmonious dialogue.
These champions of fairness seem to forget that true objectivity doesn’t mean trashing everything under the sun. Instead, it involves recognizing nuance, context, and the fact that your “unbiased” take might just be, well, a hot mess.
So next time someone declares their intention to be unbiased, brace yourself. You’re about to get a front-row seat to the most hilariously unfiltered, yet completely “objective,” and it takes imaginable.
But today is a special day, and there is no place for such “trash.”
Happy Father’s Day.
A bad person can never make an amazing dad. And those who hurt others or their brood will make their way to hell.
And, this is me being absolutely, truthfully, unbiased.
QUOTIDIAN BLESSING 