We all have our struggles, some dark, some hidden but each more tumultuous than other. It is not easy coping with such challenges. Poetry for me is a channel to release those complicated emotions. Words I could never verbalize have always come to my rescue in the form of poetry. Whether be loss of a parent, anxiety that I will have to lose another, unforseen health situations, malicious harm of my reputation, suffering of my dear ones, anxiety at work, fear of separation from the love of my life, I turn it into something tangible so I can identify the source of my sorrow. Also, makes me feel less alone.
Not many are blessed to do this kind of analysis and come out unscathed. Some unfortunate ones succumb and sacrifice their lives when it could be put to a higher purpose.
I write because I am stubborn to conquer the demons within me. I write because I want to lead by example no matter how tough it is. I write to assure the people who’ve invested their hopes in me that I won’t give up. I write because I am capable of knowing the difference between a dream and dream within a dream. I write because I want to live for love. I write because I am a fighter not just a survivor.
Ungrateful
You can’t tell what you don’t see
All you see is strong and not the real me
There are favors I do for you
Mean nothing when you don’t have a clue
There are reasons why I try for you
Turning every hitch into something new
For you, I breathe fire and walk on water
Guess it just doesn’t matter
I fight the world for your existence
Yet you talk about me in past tense
My heart aches seeking your gratitude
Ungrateful! You’re not worth my brood!!!
Run away with me!
Run away with me
So we can dance in the rain
Making everyone around us insane
And whiling time away carefree
Run away with me
So we can forget all troubles
Burst all our sadness bubbles
And mischievous like kids can be
Run away with me
So we can paint the town red
Put the shining stars to bed
And beautiful world we’d see
Run away with me
So we can make our dreams come true
Somewhere no one shall ever know
And at the paradise only we agree
Run away with me
So we can see a new tomorrow
Together old we can grow
And to eternal bliss have the key!
Wait for me…
Have to make this journey
Where no one else can be
Make no promises to keep
Because it is too far to see
Will not exchange words of hope
Need to be alone and free
Cannot hold onto hands or hugs
As from reality I try to flee
There will be broken hearts
Love will be lost in a melee
Memories will be long gone
Tears won’t turn into glee
So many shattered dreams
What I’m doing is no ecstasy
Surely don’t deserve to ask
But please wait for me…wait for me!
Last time….
Last time I saw you…
You were sucking your thumb
You said you would definitely come
You were never to leave me numb.
Last time I saw you…
You cuddled and kicked in me
You told me what I was going to be
You were to set me free.
Last time I saw you…
You wanted to flatter my soul
You meant to be my life’s goal
You were to make me whole.
Last time I saw you…
You promised to always stand by
You wouldn’t make me ever cry
You were never meant to say bye….
Last time I saw you…..
Last Goodbye
I knew you couldn’t stay long
And I had to let you go
Hope always tries to stop by
Yet had to say my last goodbye
Our dreams fell apart
And I couldn’t hold on
There were few great memories
Yet had to say my last goodbye
You live inside my soul
And no one could replace
That is what keeps me alive
Yet had to say my last goodbye
I wanted to hug you tight
And embrace you forever
Time felt eternally slow
Yet had to say my last goodbye
True love never comes easy
And fate makes fun all the time
Thought I could beat life’s mockery
Yet had to say my last goodbye
I would never be the same
And neither would my everyday
Meant to say how much I LOVE YOU
……. had to say my last goodbye!!
Serendipity
Somewhere in the space of times
My happiness tinkles and chimes
There are memories of your smiles
That turn true sweet little lies!
I feel invincible with courage
Despite hopes forming a mirage
Your lessons to me form collage
Making fears turn strong camouflage
It seemed like love so true
Didn’t know it was all very new
Beyond obsession and devotion it grew
Our relationship made its grand debut
Ecstasies from your emotions form an art
Even though we are worlds apart
Desire for glimpses don’t let my soul depart
Serendipity is what you are to my heart!
All along
It is a barrage of emotions
To look for ever lasting peace
Searching for that no one sees
Sometimes it is tough love
But mostly immense pain
There are times I’d be a coward
Coiling in deep regrets
Hurting in memories made
As there won’t be any more
Life seems at a standstill
And I want to seek refuge
Courage doesn’t come easy
Hope likes to evade
Nothing is what it used to be
When there are more questions
Than answers that linger aimlessly
The pining causes great fear
Of losing what I never had
Yet, my scour continues
To find the serene divinity
In places that are unreal
Little did I realize my God
Is a human with a golden heart
Never did I have to look as hard
Because he was with me all along!
Velleity
There is no one that has loved
Lived a life full of content
When lust replaces the intent
There are none that we call beloved!
There are dreams that wander
And some that probably come true
When desires present nothing new
Our wants grow unpleasantly yonder!
There are bonds that expect fidelity
Even though it is a truth unreal
There are pain pangs never heal
And vows become mere velleity!
There are those that never learn
Despite the façade that does unravel
The best of best get hit by gravel
Yet for better reason we always yearn!
Blood is thicker than Water – A short story
I was 3 years old and I still remember vividly. It was cloudy, getting dark around noon, muggy like Madras (Chennai now) even though I was walking the dry dusty streets in Hyderabad. I was not alone. My second cousin’s grandfather was dragging me with one hand while he carried his own granddaughter with another. My cousin and I were nearly the same age except that she may have been five to eight kilos heavier and half foot taller; always making me wonder if I were a preemie. My 12-kilo body stumbled over and over again over on the unpaved footpath as we called it back then before learning the American ‘sidewalk’. Each time I fell, he pulled me up and dragged me harder, faster so we can reach their home in time for the downpour that threatened him. And each time, tiny particles of dust clung onto my bruised wet skin pricking me more than I could stand. My cousin on the other hand, I could tell, enjoyed wrapping her arms around her grandfather while he pecked her pink chubby cheeks every 10 seconds. I missed having my own grandfather and my grandmother couldn’t carry me anymore. He passed away five years before my parents were married and my grandmother lived with us. Most of the time, people mistook my father for my grandfather which made me upset. I missed home, my parents and grandmother even more each time I felt my arm was going to fall off because he dragged me so hard. I was angry that they sent me alone to spend time with my cousins. I was resolute to tell them never to do that again. I wasn’t even naughty like other kids, so wasn’t sure of this ‘punishment’. It was one of the longest walks of my life, yet, I learned my life’s first lesson. No matter what, no matter who, blood is always thicker than water!