Here to another harangue. To forgive is defined as, “stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.” Deep stuff, but it happens to most of us strong people more than we realize and more frequently to others who’d probably realize everyday but don’t take any action until that one time where it all comes down clamorously (not glamorously – as there is nothing glamorous about “Thappad”, a slap, one time, first time or anytime or everytime. And I mean literally and implicitly.
The rancor piles up and there is nothing we do besides forgiving ourselves for not being able to forgive others or simply let go. Because when it’s the first time, the impulse is if it a woman on the receiving end, it must be accepted and kept a deep dark secret aka within the four walls as it is a family affair. Thappad in this case was shown as a reverberation, sometimes it is an inner voice.
I have had philosophical conversations with some of my extended family. God bless their heart for putting up with a weirdo like me. Time and again they’ve said I misunderstand words and actions hurled at me and that forgiveness is the only thing that’ll wipe it off. I think, ‘wow, this is better than taking a dip in the Ganges’ which I’ve heard is full of human destruction. So, each time someone does a Thappad, the receiver had one simple thing to do; forgive and move on.
When I was little and even before I knew the definition of ‘forgive’, I forgave a lot more frequently than I do as a stuck-up adult. And like hamster on a wheel, I’d be in a situation where I am left to forgive the same person for exactly the same thing again and again and again. I got tired of forgiving better yet I forgot what it is to do it truly. It became pithy. A lot of women are punching bags, physically and verbally on the pretext of duty and dharma. Now they call it abuse but back then, it was okay to chide and get chided. These wise words came from a daughter of one of my Thappad perpetrators. May be she forgot it could be her.
Actually, it was fashionable to be yelled at by the husband, in-laws, relatives, friends, neighbors…it was and continue to be a free for all offer. For example, I’d must’ve written hundreds of poems and anecdotes about my Thappad. It’d be blasphemy if I write anymore. But there was that one Thappad that woke me to my senses. So did Taapsee Pannu who was sheer brilliance in the movie which probably is a commercial disaster because all righteous family men want to do is give an astounding Thappad. And suddenly it becomes not okay to forgive anymore.
Despite all the bruises none could see, if the Thappad receiver (how honorable to have received) forgave, it would be a rinse and repeat situation and there would be a second, a third and countless others to follow. It becomes as easy as that. Being the dumbasses some of us are, we wait patiently, giving it more thought before even putting guardrails around this whole forgiveness thing. Then, it becomes a canard of a perfidious wife, lover, daughter-in-law.
Now, all the imbeciles wonder why Taapsee won’t forgive. Her mom taught her to suffer in silence and so did her mom and so did her mom. Strangely mine didn’t (she must be a horrible one). Anger gives power to stand up for ourselves. We ain’t Sadguru. So stop telling us to be one. Forgiveness will come when it has to. So we can heal in peace and that may take time. If you don’t have the patience to wait to be forgiven, then go fish. The Thappad didn’t wait, so why should you anyway.
And no, resentment doesn’t make our blood pressures go up. Well, her father’s certainly did. Not because he didn’t support. He absolutely did and some fathers do. He solemnly stood by her side; not undermining the pain she is going through but instigating the natural progression of mind and soul. When there is betrayal of a larger magnitude (some doltish morons think cheating is the worst betrayal) forgiving and moving on, is not a riposte. The nonpareil is to recall and recuperate, not forgive and forget. Case closed.